It's 12:05 a.m.

It's 12:05 a.m. and I should have not had that cup of coffee at 10 p.m. Not usally a problem when I am up working the nightshift, but a problem when one needs to sleep.

I find myself obsessed with "A" lately. Obsessed with fixing her eye situation. Like many things, once I set my mind to do something, I always follow through with it. It's overwhelming being a parent at times. The late nights, the long hours, the worrying. A very rewarding job, but also overwhelming at times. These kids do not come with a manual or instructions. We are expected to know what to do and to trust professionals and those that have walked this path before us. But, what if you are not a trusting person by nature?

What if? That is me. Wanting to make the right decision. Researching every avenue. Praying and praying and more praying. Looking for answers. What is the right answer? Will I know it? Looking back I trusted the pediatricians when she was sick and it landed us in the hospital two times. Two very serious times. Granted one time was for an allergy to penicillin. The second time a very serious and scary time.

During these times I find myself drawn to wanting to do what is ultimately right for "A". I want her eyes to work together. I want her to see like she should be able to. I want her to be able to be an athlete if she chooses to be or a writer or whatever her heart desires. I know that restarting vision therapy is going to be a battle.

When she was 4 years old it was easier. She was not as opinionated nor so stubborn. She is full of attitude now, which will serve her well later, but will make this hard. A four year old listens and trusts you and does whatever you say. An almost 7 year old wants to be 7! She wants to play video games, color, read and not be made to do patching or therapy. I want to tell her it will all be worth it down the road. I am trusting in the professionals that this is the right path for us. I am praying that God will show us the way and heal "A's" eyes.

I am not alone in this journey. There are so many children afflicted by strabismus and amblyopia. So many success stories, all involving alot of hard work and time. I am ready for put forth the time and love and even bribe her. Maybe when she's older she will find a calling in helping other children with their eyes? Maybe she will be an eye doctor? Who knows, but I won't settle for anything less than giving this 120 percent. After all, I am a little obsessive about these things (say's my sweet husband). Just maybe my tiny OCD disorder might just come in handy! ;)

Please keep us in your prayers as we embark on this journey and I will keep everyone updated on her progress.

Hugs.

Sheelagh